News You Can (ab)Use: Large Font, Wide Margins Fill Out Sarah Palin's Impressive Résumé

Dateline: Somewhere the hell in Alaska
      Republican Party leadership has responded to accusations that Sarah Palin, their newly announced candidate for the Vice Presidency, is unqualified for such high office by touting her résumé, which they point out runs to nearly three pages.
      Further review of Gov. Palin's résumé by the Broken Stove's Human Resources Department, however, reveals that the document owes much of its length to double-spacing, 2-inch margins, and liberal use of a bold 16-point font.
      On page one, Gov. Palin touts her accomplishments as the youngest-ever Governor of Alaska, where she has spearheaded government ethics probes and saved the state millions of dollars by canceling the much-ridiculed "Bridge to Nowhere" boondoggle. She also lists her time on a state energy commission and her stint as Mayor of the town of Wasilla (pop. 9,780).
      On page two, Gov. Palin works back to her time as runner-up to "Miss Alaska," pointing out that she also won that pageant's title of "Miss Congeniality," which she insists "all the girls know is actually the higher honor," and demonstrates her diplomatic skills and her ability to work well with others, "even the really bitchy ones."
      And finally on page three, Gov. Palin lists her proudest moments as chairwoman of her local PTA, and names some of the prominent Alaskan families for whom she babysat while in high school. The résumé ends halfway down page three with her three-month stint at the Anchorage McDonald's in 1980.
      In an interview on Fox News Sunday, Republican National Committee Chairman Mike Duncan praised Palin and her record, saying, "The office of Vice President requires an enthusiastic worker with a can-do attitude, who can work well in a fast-paced team environment, follow instructions and multi-task, and present a bright, clean appearance to the public. All of these are qualities that Mrs. Palin will bring to the Vice Presidency, having had them forged in the crucible of that invaluable summer at McDonalds."