"It took us several sleepless nights of pretty much non-stop Googling," explained Whitton of the hunt for the credulous creature, who until now was believed to be only a legend, "but we finally managed to track him to a remote location in northern Georgia called 'Starbucks.'" The pair then wheeled out their find, a forty-ish white male, skittish and blinking in the bright lights, firmly duct-taped to the hand truck on which he was being transported.
"He's shy," warned Dyer. "We call him...Dennis."
The gullible reporter turned out to be one Dennis Sacco, a writer for the tiny weekly "The Backwoods Bugler," and a lifelong Bigfoot enthusiast. Every year during hunting season, "The Bugler" runs one of Sacco's Bigfoot stories--this year's piece was entitled, "Bigfoot or Brown Bear? Know Your Scat!". Whitton explained that these stories, combined with clues found on Sacco's coffee-lover's blog, "What a Drip!" led them as surely as scat would to the remote Starbucks.
They approached Sacco from downwind as he sipped a tall no-fat triple latté and was distracted by the free wi-fi, and took him down with a tranquilizer dart."We actually had to put a second one in him," amended Dyer, "I think cause of all the caffeine in his blood."
The pair then demonstrated Sacco's belief in their Bigfoot story by asking him a series of questions about the find, all of which Sacco answered nervously with some variation of "Whatever you say, guys," or "Sure, sure, anyone can see that." The press conference finally drew to an awkward close when Sacco reported that he could no longer feel his toes beneath the duct tape, and pointed out that there were in fact no reporters other than himself in attendance. Faced with the fact that Sacco was exactly what they had claimed he was, Whitton and Dyer reluctantly agreed to release "Dennis" back into the wild.
--story filed by Dennis Sacco, "The Backwoods Bugler"
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