Curmudgeon's Corner

      Smokey Burner, the Stove's resident curmudgeon, was watching the Today Show this morning, which he almost never does because he has little patience for the kind of surface-level, Cliff's Notes version of news and self-help pieces that they do on the morning shows. In less than five minutes Matt and Meredith had managed to tick him off enough to change the channel. It should be noted that, by definition, the Curmudgeon is easily ticked off.
      In the middle of one of the five-minute segments on healthier living that they must run in one form or another pretty much every day, complete with visual aids (a psychiatrist's couch to represent depression, and piles of luggage to represent the vacations you should allow yourself to take), the visiting health expert addressed the fact that married men have longer life expectancies than single men. Smokey had heard something to this effect before, so he wasn't surprised until the "expert" said, "Unmarried men have a 250% higher mortality rate than their married counterparts." She said nothing to clarify that bizarre statement, and no one asked her to. In fact, Smokey thinks Meredith asked,"Why is that?" rather than what she should have asked, which is, "Whuh-huh?"
      What is that supposed to mean?! Smokey is pretty sure that all men, married and otherwise, have a 100% mortality rate. Are there two and a half times as many single men as married men? Did she mean single men are two and a half times more likely to die before age sixty? or seventy? She never said. And no one seemed to care that she had tossed out this totally meaningless statement in the middle of her tightly scripted presentation.
      Now, Smokey knows these shows happen live, and poor Matt has probably sleepwalked through more five-minute "healthy living" segments than he's got short, crispy hairs left on his head, but come on. We know these are fluff pieces, but even fluff should at least make sense.