Curmudgeon's Corner (2)

      Smokey Burner, the Broken Stove's resident curmudgeon, is not a happy camper. Actually, Smokey is not any kind of camper because he believes that God had good reasons for giving us houses and recliners, and to forsake these things in order to go lie on the ground in the woods is to question His wisdom.
      Camping, however, has nothing to do with Smokey's unhappiness today. No, Smokey is unhappy today because Smokey is a Steeler's fan, and he just saw his team--a supposed post-season contender--drop a game to the 2nd or 3rd worst team in football, the NY Jest (not a typo). Smokey has a bruise on his arm in the place where he's been pinching himself all morning, convinced that he will wake up in a world where the real Steelers have trounced the lowly Jets and are now 8-2. But Smokey is already awake and must make do with these counterfeit Steelers, obviously a college team that, while everyone was looking the other way, bonked all the Steelers on their head, stole their uniforms, and played the Jets.
      How else to explain how one team could punish the rest of the AFC North but have three road losses to teams with a combined 11-18 record? How else could one team hold Jamal Lewis and Shaun Alexander to a combined total of 95 rushing yards--in three games!!--and then allow Thomas "Who the hell am I?" Jones to rush for 117 yards all by his lonesome? How else does an opposing defense with nine sacks in as many games suddenly come up with seven in just one?

"There's no place like home, there's no place like home..."
Nope.
We're still 7-3.

      Smokey knows that one bad road loss, even to a terrible team, does not end your season, especially if you're still 7-3 and a game up in your division, and you've beaten all of your division at least once already. Smokey knows that despite a shaky offensive line and wretched kick coverage, his beloved Stillers will probably go to the playoffs and might do very well. The Cardinals and Broncos probably, and the Jets definitely, are not good enough to do that. But what does it mean for the Steelers' playoff hopes that they all are still good enough to handle the Steelers?
      Smokey wonders, he does.
      By the way, has Smokey ever mentioned how much he hates "Steely McBeam," the new Steelers mascot? Imagine Tom Cruise transformed into a crazed, Muppet steelworker, who might be distantly related to Bert on Sesame Street. That's Steely.

Smokey does hate him so.