100 Book Meme Leaves Me at 47*

      I picked up this book meme created by the BBC from my friend Ken at kenmorefield.blogspot.com. It's a strange list of books--some from the classic "Great White Canon," some from newer books that are popular with reading groups, and a few strays from somebody's head. You're supposed to mark which ones you've read and count the total. The BBC figures for some reason that most folks will have read just 6 of the 100. How will you stack up?

Instructions:

1. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. [Note; I've adopted Ken's modifications, to wit: I put a 'y' by those I have read in part but not in full. I put an 'xx' next to those I have read multiple times, though the number of x's is not equivalent to the number of reads.]
2. Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.
3. Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4. Tally your total at the bottom.
5. Put in a note with your total in the subject.
6. Cut and paste to notes and link me in too please...

The BBC's list
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien xx+
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte x
4 The Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling y
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible y
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell x
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman x
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens x
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott x
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller y
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare yxx
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier x
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien xx
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks x
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot x
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald x
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams xx+
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky *
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll y
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame x
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens x
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis xx
34 Emma- Jane Austen x
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis xx
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres xx+
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne x
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell x
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez x+
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving x+
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan *
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel x
52 Dune - Frank Herbert xx+
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens x
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley x
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez x+
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck xx+
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas x
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie y
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville x
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker y
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce x
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt x
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens xx
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker x
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro x+
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White x
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle xx+
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad x
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery x
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams x
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole xx+
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas x
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare xx
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl x
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo y*+ (still reading unabridged a bit at a time)

* I think that's 47. I guess I don't get to count The Complete Shakespeare or The Bible because there are bits of both that I've never read. But who's read "Coriolanus" or "The Book of Numbers" anyway? Honestly.

Yankees Sign Designated Apologizer to 5-Year Deal Worth $35 Million

      Addressing what was long perceived to be a hole in their lineup, the Yankees today signed designated apologizer Miguel Culpa to a 5-year, $35 million contract. Culpa, a left-handed power apologizer from Venezuela, comes off a year in the minors during which his apologies to the fans and the press had an acceptance rate of .870, the best in the league.
      Culpa is aware, however, that apologizing in the major leagues--especially to the notoriously unforgiving fans and press of New York--will be a lot different from his work in the minors. "I'm really going to have to step up my sincerity to a whole new level," said Culpa. "In the minors, mostly you apologize for guys yelling at the ump or showing up drunk for the game. But in the bigs, man, these guys really know how to piss fans off. And the Yankees, wow! But I'm ready for this challenge, and let me say right now that if I ever let the fans or my teammates down, I'm very, very sorry."
      Although Culpa's contract guarantees him $7 million a year, he's likely to make a good deal more than that with bonuses. Successfully apologizing for a player's extramarital affair reportedly will earn Culpa an extra $50K, smoothing over reports of domestic abuse is worth $100K, and if the Yankees fail to make the playoffs and Culpa is forced to apologize for the entire team, he's scheduled to make another $500K. Apologies for each loss to the Red Sox earn him $10K, but Coach Girardi has already assured Culpa that he doesn't expect him ever to have those accepted. "The guy's an ace," explained Girardi, "but he's not a miracle-worker."
      Player reaction to Culpa's signing was overwhelmingly positive, with the most effusive praise coming from 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez, who has yet to pull off his own successful apology as a Yankee. "I only wish Miguel had been on board earlier for all that Madonna business," said Rodriguez, "and now all of this steroid stuff has hit the fan. I've never been able to figure out what the hell Yankees fans expect me to do or say. It's going to be great knowing that Miguel's got my back, so I can feel free just to go out there and fuck up."

Other Baseball Notes:
Citi Field Ball Park Set for Opening Day: New York Mets look forward to first pitch, first homer, first late-season collapse in beautiful new stadium.
Pitchers and Catchers Report to Spring Training: Spring training officially opens on Friday when pitchers and catchers report; on Tuesday the Pittsburgh Pirates are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention.

A Huddle in Which Coach Wade Phillips Could Have Used Christian Bale

      Umm, guys. Yeah, huddle up please. No, you too please T.O. I want everyone in on this. Yes, I am serious. Please join us.
      Well, I don't want to name any names, but as a group, gosh darn it we're just not playing very well out there. Now I know everyone's tired and these guys are pretty good, but I'm asking you fellas to all pull together as a team and do a more professional job out there.
      Again, I don't want to pick on anybody, but Flozell that third holding call really hurt us. Remember what we talked about? No, not the ice cream pizza thing. Today. After the first two holding calls. Yeah, you kinda promised me that it wouldn't happen again. I know, I know, he is very big and fast, but golly that was a crucial ten yards there and, if you'll recall, he sacked Tony anyway. Yes he did, Flozell, he hit Tony very, very hard.
      Well T.O., I don't really think you should be chuckling at Flozell right now; this hasn't exactly been your greatest game either. What I'm "referring to," T.O. is that last first down pass you dropped over the middle there. Yes, I realize that you weren't going to be able to score on that particular play, but holy cow we really can't afford to throw the little fish back at this point. I agree that the safety did have a certain unpleasant gleam in his eye as he noticed you crossing the middle of the field, but you would have had a first down before he got there, and well, you know, we kind of pay you a lot of money to do that sort of thing. Well then, let's just agree to disagree.
      Now I know we're down 44-3, but I feel like, if we all pull together and do our jobs out there, we can still save this thing. OK, I'm not gonna ask who threw that. You know who you are, and I'm sure the shame that you're feeling right now is worse than any punishment I could come up with. C'mon now guys! Cowboy pride! Go out there and win one for...for somebody that you may have cared deeply about once.
      *sigh*
      Yes, T.O., it can be you if you want.

a tip o' the helmet to kenmorefield.blogspot.com for the inspiration.

Sextuply Super

      I think the most gratifying thing for me about the Steelers' thrilling sixth Super Bowl win is the fact that the heroes of the game, the players who will garner all of the attention when the highlights of Super Bowl XLIII are replayed throughout the years, are the same three players who deserve much of the credit for the Steelers making it to the big game in the first place. Last year David Tyree was the hero for the Giants, and while his bizarre and spectacular catch certainly deserves a place in highlight history, Tyree was not a major contributing factor to the Giants' overall success in 2007. The heroes of Super Bowl XLIII, however--Santonio Holmes, James Harrison, and Ben Roethlisberger--were not only the key players in yesterday's win, they were largely responsible for carrying the Steelers through the regular season and into the Super Bowl.

      Harrison's MVP year as leader of the NFL's best defense, Holmes's season-long emergence as the heir to Hines Ward's "go-to-guy" throne, and Roethlisberger's repeated fourth quarter trips to the phone booth for his Superman costume were three of the biggest reasons for a 14-4 record going into the Super Bowl. Then, in the big game, all they did was make the greatest defensive play in Super Bowl history for a 14-point swing just before the half, and execute an 88-yard drive in the final two minutes for the winning touchdown on a perfect pass and a circus catch. I was especially glad that Polamalu's fine season did not end with him as the goat, caught out of position on Fitzgerald's 64-yard touchdown catch and run that gave the Cardinals their first lead with only minutes to play. Yeah, the officiating sucked, but there's no doubt in my mind that the Steelers won one of the most exciting Super Bowls I've ever seen. Go Stillers!

Here We Go Steelers--Pittsburgh's Goin' to the Super Bowl

      Please enjoy this slightly dated, cheesy, but much beloved Steelers Super Bowl song. Here we go Steelers!
Pittsburgh's goin' to the Super Bowl!

Less Than Good King Wenceslas

      Almost everyone has heard the popular Christmas carol "Good King Wenceslas," which tells the heartwarming tale of the kindly Czech king who took alms to a poor peasant at yuletide and miraculously saved his trusty page from dying of exposure during their mission of mercy (it could be pointed out that the page would have been snugly sleeping in his warm bed if the king had not dragged him out into the snow in the first place, but that's as may be). The lyrics were set down by Englishman John Mason Neale in the 19th century, and are supposedly taken from an old Czech poem celebrating the deeds of the generous monarch.
      Few are aware, however, that Neale took many liberties with his source material in order to burnish the reputation of the less-than-saintly Wenceslas. The truth only recently came to light when an early, authoritative manuscript of the Czech poem was found behind one of the toilet tanks in the men's room of the Municipal Library of Prague. The newly-discovered document reveals that it was not the king's page who was in attendance with the king but his minstrel. The Broken Stove's resident experts in 14th Century Czech Lavatory Music are proud to present the first English translation of this important cultural discovery, complete with the original stage directions (see footnotes).

The first verse is exactly as Neale's familiar translation records it:

Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even;
Brightly shone the moon that night, tho' the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight, gath'ring winter fuel.

It's not until the second verse that Neale diverges from the original Czech, and his bowdlerizing becomes apparent. Having seen the peasant, the king calls on his minstrel:

Bring me wine and bring me flesh, bring me faggots hither,
Write a song of my largesse, play it on the zither,¹
Make me sound magnanimous, handsome and endow-éd,
If it does not gladden Us, you'll be dis-em-bowel-éd.²

Make my song have harmonies, pleasing to the senses,
Or I'll hoist your progeny, high on pointy fences³
All your children will be killed, while you watch in horror,
But their entrails won't be spilled,⁴ 'til I've had your daugh-augh-ter.⁵

Take⁶ these faggots and this wood, take them with my blessing,
These kittens are mickle good, try them with the dressing,
Someone fetch the minstrel's lass, while he is composing,
Drink my toast and raise your glass, "May the Queen keep doh-oh-zing."

¹(meat, wine & faggots are brought--the latter are gaily dressed, carrying wood; dancing, merriment)
²(dancing, merriment stop; long, uncomfortable pause; king finally laughs heartily; dancing, merriment resume--less gaily now)
³(dancing, merriment stop)
⁴(fermata on "spilled"; minstrel fawns pathetically)
⁵(minstrel flees back to castle, trying to remember where zither is kept)
⁶(king puts arm around peasant, who had made as if to wander off)

Some Random Stuff I Like About Christmas

• The Glowing Potential of Packages Under the Tree—Sure, I like ripping into my Christmas presents as much as the next maturity-challenged 40-something, but even more than the gifts themselves, I like seeing the packages under the tree, reflecting the warm glow of the multicolored lights, smugly taunting me with their promise of riches to come. When my brothers and I were kids, my parents had a strict do-not-wake-us-before-7AM Christmas morning policy, and no one was allowed to open anything until they came down from on high. Since the anticipatory adrenaline coursing through our greedy little veins generally woke us up no later than 6:00, we’d have to just sit and stare at the loot that had appeared in the night. And if you actually enjoy creating a prettily wrapped package like my wife and I do, the accumulation of colorful papers and ribbons is a joy to behold. Until you rip it all to shreds, that is.
• Fruitcake—I’m sick and tired of lame fruitcake jokes. The only people who joke about how awful fruitcake is are the people who have never had a fruitcake made by someone who knows how. Real fruitcake does not include those awful bits of bright red and green plastic that grocery stores try to sell you when they create the display of fruitcake ingredients. Real fruitcake requires real fruit: dried apricots, figs, dates, pears, golden raisins, cherries and citron. And good nutmeg, vanilla and cinammon. And hazelnuts. And maybe some orange zest and even a bit of orange blossom water. And of course, rum. Lots of rum. Real fruitcake is absolutely delicious—and nobody’s doorstop.
• Digital cameras—OK, maybe digital cameras aren’t exactly a Christmas thing, but they allow you to take as many Christmas pictures as you like without worrying about how much film you’re wasting. Digital cameras give you a chance to stumble into cool shots like the one here—the ghost hand in the glass ornament.

Well, I thought it was pretty cool.

• Stockings Stuffed to Bursting
• Donna’s Christmas Dinner
• Dogs and Cats Sleeping Peacefully Together in Front of a Crackling Fireplace
• Hearing my father-in-law go off on football’s “breaking the plane of the goal line” rule for the 6,437th time—“That’s not a touchdown! You used to have to carry the ball and your whole body into the end zone; now all you have to do is wave the ball at the pylon. That’s not a touchdown.” In a world of change and uncertainty, it's an oddly reassuring reminder that at least some things will go on forever.
• Antique Ornaments
• Making a Harried Store Clerk Smile or Laugh--maybe by cracking a joke, or by helping to bag my own stuff, or by simply not being a total asshole.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!