"I Meant My Rights, Not Yours," or The Relativity of Civility: Curmudgeon's Corner (9)

      Smokey Burner, the Broken Stove's resident curmudgeon, is not a political animal. Smokey is registered Independent, votes on a regular basis, and has strong opinions that he is not reluctant to share, but Smokey has never actively campaigned for a political candidate and has no particular axe to grind. Smokey is glad that the ACLU exists, but is sometimes dismayed by the cases they take on. Smokey believes in the ethical treatment of animals, but wishes PETA were not on his side. Smokey voted for Obama, but won't believe Change is afoot until he Sees Some. You get the idea.
      Having said that, Smokey hopes not to be dismissed as a radical leftist when he reports that he's disappointed that California passed its Proposition 8 to ban gay marriages in that state. Smokey cannot see any way in which his own happy marriage is threatened or diminished by loving same-sex couples seeking the same comfort, stability, and benefits which a committed, monogamous, state-sanctioned relationship offers him. Homosexual couples view this as a civil rights issue, and Smokey agrees. Civil rights, however, are a two-way street. And some gay rights advocates are hogging the road.
      Smokey is referring to a recent AP wire story about the resignation of a Sacramento theater director under pressure from the gay community. Here's an excerpt:

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — The artistic director at California's largest nonprofit musical theater company resigned Wednesday amid protests over his donation to a campaign to ban gay marriage in the state.

Scott Eckern stepped down from his job at the California Musical Theater in Sacramento after some gay activists called for a theater boycott....

Eckern said he "chose to act upon my belief that the traditional definition of marriage should be preserved" but had no idea his contribution would generate such controversy....

The boycott calls — led by artists including "Hairspray" composer Marc Shaiman — began after activists learned Eckern contributed $1,000 to the Yes on 8 campaign. Last week, voters approved Proposition 8, which changes the constitution to ban same-sex marriage.

      Not cool. Even if Smokey were willing to concede that a non-profit organization maybe has a little more leeway than a for-profit company or the government in expecting its members to conform to a group ideology (which is a big "if," by the way), think about this. What if it had been reported that a director for a conservative group--like, say, the Boy Scouts of America--had donated $1,000 to the Vote No on Prop 8 campaign, and members of the Boy Scouts had subsequently threatened to withdraw their support unless the offending director resigned? The very same folks behind the threatened Sacramento theater boycott, those responsible for the resignation of a man who was exercising his right to hold a belief which they found offensive (a man who worked closely with gay artists his entire professional life even though his church told him they were sinners), would scream bloody murder and have the Boy Scouts in court for it before you could shout TIMMAYYY! (Smokey apologizes for the possibly-obscure South Park reference).
      Guys. Lots of people just like Smokey want to be on your side. But you can't have your gay rights cake and eat it, too. Tolerant is as tolerant does.

A Post Election Day Poem

      This is a little post-election day poem (more like a "pome," if you know what I mean), inspired in part by the awesome undertaking of the NPAD project at truffin.com. I haven't thought of any better title than the first line, so let's call it "Hope is the spore of Maybe."

Hope is the spore of Maybe
that lands on the fallen and rotting trunk of No,
and instead of dying in its turn,
conducts the corruption to a secret, inner crucible

where, shadowed even from the sunlight of Reason,
through an ineffable alchemy
unrecorded in any text,
Hope transforms that dross to the
perfection of an infinite spoked circle, capped with
a crenelated white dome of Possibility.

Budweiser Reaches Out to Fans of Craft Brews (Maybe)--Budweiser American Ale

      Lately I've been seeing commercials for Budweiser's new American Ale, which seems to be the brewing giant's attempt to appeal to the craft brew crowd--an apparent indication that they may actually now fear losing customers to the hundreds of little breweries (and homebrewers!) that have popped up around the country. But they haven't exactly launched what you might call a full-scale marketing assault, so I've been curious about their intentions for the new variety. Are they truly test-marketing a new, more sophisticated taste to please America's ever-more beer-savvy market? Or are they just wondering if they can get away with charging a fancier price for what people might perceive to be a fancier beer?
      Either way, I figured I'd give it an honest try--I would ignore its provenance and evaluate it as I would any other beer I'd never tasted before. I even made sure I hadn't eaten or drunk anything in a while, just so I'd have a clean palette. I have to admit, however, that I was made suspicious of Budweiser's intentions right off the bat, when I discovered that they had given the bottle a non-twistoff cap. Seemed a bit desperate, that.
      I gave it my usual pour--first half down the side and second half straight up. It produced a respectable, slightly lacy one-finger head that demonstrated decent staying power. The color was a shiny ruby-amber, leaning a bit toward the ruby side. It presented very little malt aroma, just a slightly aggressive, acidic hops smell. The first sips again betrayed an under-achieving mix of malts, with a lightweight, fizzy mouthfeel. The followup was pretty hoppy but fairly unpleasant--the hops came forward more as bitter and metallic, rather than sharp and citrusy as you might expect in an APA.
      Not surprisingly, it proved easy to drink, but the overall experience was disappointing--I felt as if most of my palette was left with nothing to do. I wanted a cracker or a piece of bread or something, just to engage my grain flavor receptors. The American Ale is a step above Budweiser's famous lager, but only just. I'm still not sure exactly what Budweiser's up to here, but whatever their intentions, I doubt the American Ale will be around for long.

Mets Collapse Again--Who Says History Never Repeats?

      Well, I do actually. Yes, once again, the Mets' playoff hopes were dashed by the Florida Marlins on the last day of the season, thanks to a miserable final two weeks. But though the heartbreaking result was the same as in 2007, history didn't exactly repeat itself in 2008.
      Last year, the highly-paid Mets stars pressed and underperformed at crunch time, failing to produce when it mattered most. This year the stars all played pretty well (that fateful Cubs game notwithstanding), but were repeatedly let down by what turned out to be the worst bullpen in the National League--perhaps the worst Mets bullpen Shea has seen since Casey Stengel sat scratching his head in the dugout. While front-office management can't produce on the field, and the loss of Billy Wagner could not have been predicted, a group of players at or near the top in most offensive, defensive, and starting pitching statistics might be forgiven if they look to Minaya and the personnel powers that be and wonder why there was no fourth wheel on the playoff bus.
      So go ahead and tear the dump down and move next door. Shake the dust from your cleats. After the last two years--if it weren't for a handful of magic World Series moments at Shea--I'd say go ahead and salt the earth while you're at it. Let's go Mets!

New VISA ad to Feature Johan Santana

• One baseball program--with pencil--to document what might have been the final meaningful game of the Mets' season--$3
• One complete New York Mets uniform, number 57, including pitcher's glove and rosin bag--$284
• One season of ace left-handed starting pitching--$16,984,216
• Nine innings of shut-out ball on three days rest with the season on the line--priceless

Mets Cling to Flickering Spark of Life

      During the press conference after a gutsy, come-from-behind win against the Cubs in the wind and pouring rain at Shea, an excited but surprisingly pale Jerry Manuel talks about the Mets' hope for the postseason.

Mets Celebrate Second Annual September ChokeFest: Curmudgeon's Corner (8)

      Smokey Burner, the Broken Stove's resident curmudgeon, doesn't often find himself at a loss for words, but that is the case with Smokey this morning. You see, Smokey is a Mets fan, and last night Smokey watched his Mets--for the second year in a row--make early plans for their October golf vacations. Technically, they were playing an important game against the Cubs in the middle of a playoff race, but metaphorically, they were on the phone with their travel agents, booking flights to Pebble Beach.
      And Smokey witnessed the whole bloody debacle. Smokey cheered when Carlos Delgado, who has almost single-handedly carried the team to the brink of the playoffs since the All-Star break, hit a grand slam to give the Mets a four run lead. Smokey frowned when volatile pitcher Oliver Perez told Carlos "thanks, but no thanks" and promptly pissed that lead away. Smokey's flagging hopes were raised in consecutive innings when the Mets had a runner on third with nobody out, then dashed as they only managed one run in those innings--on a bases-loaded walk.
      But the much-maligned bullpen was doing just well enough to give the Mets a shot, and when the bottom of the ninth rolled around they were still tied at six. Then rookie Daniel Murphy, a bright spot in the lineup all year, opened the bottom of the ninth with a triple, and the heart of the order was coming up. Smokey wondered to himself about the statistics--with a runner on third and nobody out, how often does at least one run score? Seventy percent of the time? Eighty? More? David Wright--the Mets' RBI leader--had a 3-0 count, but could not single, or fly out, or even ground out to the right side of the infield. He struck out swinging at ball four. That's all right, thought Smokey, we've got two more shots, and the odds are still way with us. The Cubs walked Delgado and Beltran to get to Church, who grounded meekly into a force at the plate. Suddenly, Smokey was less sanguine. Suddenly, Smokey had thoughts of 2007 and deja vu all over again. Sure enough, Ramon Castro then struck out on three pitches, and Smokey knew what would happen next.
      Let's try a little hypothetical exercise, shall we? In a key game for them, and knowing the team they are chasing in the standings has already lost that day, a baseball team (let's call them the Mutts) have three consecutive innings (including the bottom of the ninth) with runners on third and nobody out--and manage only one run. Their opponents (let's call them the Cabs), in a game that doesn't matter to them at all, have two outs and nobody on in the tenth inning, then score three runs to win the game. Which of these teams is most likely to already be in the playoffs? Oh, yes, Smokey knows the Mutts, umm Mets, might still sneak into the playoffs ahead of the Brewers. Heck, they might even catch a break and catch the Phillies.
      But Smokey knows they've already made that metaphorical call to the travel agent. Smokey knows they've already got tee times.